Heart on My Sleeve by Ellen Wittlinger

Author:Ellen Wittlinger
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Simon & Schuster

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jghost: i will dickhead c u 18r

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July 3, 2002

Dear Eli,

Thank you for writing to me. Your letter was wonderful. I can imagine you cursing your Uncle Stan behind his back and reducing somebody’s topiary to a pile of sticks. I hope you’re not forgetting the sunblock—remember that awful burn you got the beginning of last summer!

It’s strange writing to you because I’m not sure what to say. After so many years of yakking about absolutely everything, now I feel like I need to think carefully about every word. I have to tell you one more time that I’m sorry—I really am—the last thing I wanted to do was to hurt you. (I know that sounds like something they’d say on “Dawson’s Creek,” with tears running down everybody’s faces, but I mean it.) I disagree with you about having to give up one good thing to get another—why can’t we just add the good things together? Obviously, you can’t have more than one boyfriend or girlfriend at a time, but that doesn’t mean you have to lose people completely, does it? Please say we can still be friends! I can’t imagine losing touch with you, Eli—we’re so much a part of each other!

Kate said Meghan is interested in going out with you. Maybe I shouldn’t bring it up, but I just wanted to say that (even though it seems a little weird) you should go ahead and date her if you want to. Not that you need my permission, of course—I didn’t mean that. I’m just saying, maybe it would make you feel better about this whole thing.

Crap. I hate feeling this way with you, Eli. Like I don’t know how to talk to you anymore, or I’m still hurting your feelings or something. You are SO important to me. My entire high school life would have been shit without you there. You know that, don’t you? And I feel terrible about the way it came out about Julian, on prom night, for God’s sake. I feel like I ruined your senior year or something. Did I?

Anyway, camp is good—I love it here, as you know. It really IS my spiritual home. Just the smell of the place relaxes me. There’s a terrific group of counselors here this year, with one exception, and I’m trying to ignore him. I miss having Veev here, of course. By the way, Kate will probably tell you anyway: Veev has come out as a lesbian. It seemed very odd when she first told me, but I’m getting used to it now. I guess nothing stays the same for long, does it? My dad always says, “Roll with the punches.” But it’s hard when you don’t even see them coming.

Eli, I miss you too.

Chloe

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